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Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander thinks you're stupid.
He also thinks the readers of the Shreveport Times are very, very stupid.
Let us step carefully through the minefield of horseshit Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander has laid out for us:
It’s been interesting to watch virtually all major media declare that former Vice President Joe Biden "won" the election.Imagine that! News networks accurately reporting who got the most votes in an election! Scandal! Such things are just not done!
It’s humorous to see Biden standing in front of the "Office of the President Elect" banner because there is no such office or position.A BANNER? With WORDS on it? Words that universally been used to refer to the winner of presidential elections for decades with absolutely zero controversy? Heavens to fucking Betsy, that IS humorous, Royal!
Facts don’t seem to matter anymore, so maybe Royal Alexander is insinuating that Biden is the first person to have been elected president to use that term.
English: Trump Transition Logo
Date10 November 2016
AuthorDonald Trump Transition Team
That’s strange! It looks like somebody hacked wikimedia to make it look like the Trump people were using the phrase "president elect" as early as November 10, 2016! That can't be right.
Also, look at what else I found! It's one of those "law" things that Shreveport Attorney Royal Alexander should at least pretend to have some passing familiarity with:
The Congress declares it to be the purpose of the Act to promote the orderly transfer of the executive power in connection with the expiration of the term of office of a President and the inauguration of a new President. The national interest requires that such transitions in the office of President be accomplished so as to assure continuity in the faithful execution of the laws and in the conduct of the affairs of the Federal Government, both domestic and foreign. Any disruption occasioned by the transfer of the executive power could produce results detrimental to the safety and well-being of the United States and its people.(Not that Royal Alexander has any interest in the safety and well-being of the United States and its people, but I digress.)
SERVICES AND FACILITIES AUTHORIZED TO BE PROVIDED TO PRESIDENTS-ELECT AND VICE PRESIDENTS-ELECT Sec. 3 (a) The Administrator of General Services, referred to hereafter in this Act as “the Administrator,” is authorized to provide, upon request, to each President-elect and each Vice President-elect, for use in connection with his preparations for the assumption of official duties as President or Vice President necessary services and facilities, including…Well, would you look at that, the term "president elect" is right there ensconced in a federal law. By the way, the process that's outlined in this law is not happening at present. The well-being of the United States and its people is being threatened by the (absolutely 100%) outgoing administration. That can't be good, can it? CAN IT, ROYAL?
It’s a positive development to see the General Services Administration (GSA) not release federal funds for the so-called "Biden Transition" to begin given no winner of the election has been ascertained.Really, Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander? You think needlessly delaying the peaceful transfer of power is a GOOD thing? What kind of shitty, shitty attorney are you, Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander? Is your loyalty to the rule of law or to Trump? (Trick question! The answer is: neither. Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander is simply a craven, cynical opportunist pandering to an audience for whom he has nothing but contempt.)
The hatred for President Trump is so great that every imaginable form of distraction and confusion that can be enlisted to obscure the fact that no winner has been certified is being employed.Those darned DEMON-RATS are so distracting and confusing!
As an attorney,Oh boy, here we go.
I succeed or fail based upon the strength of the evidence I present in court. Period. Not feelings, opinions or innuendo. Just evidence.Ok, Royal Alexander, present your evidence that Biden was not elected. What's that? You don't have any evidence? You just a few lazily assembled, already debunked bits of conspiratorial bullshit ? Well, ok, I'll allow it.
So, if the Trump Campaign is not able to gather and produce for the courts adequate, reliable evidence that widespread fraud has occurred, President Trump will lose the argument and the race. But not until.That’s not actually how it works, but whatever. In any case, maybe things were different way back 16 hours ago when Royal Alexander’s article was posted to the Times' website but it turns out that, no, reliable evidence for widespread fraud has been presented by Trump’s Thriller video cosplay group of a legal team.
What do we know? We know that hundreds of individuals — alleging 1,000s of instances of fraud — in a position to know have signed affidavits that they have personal knowledge of fraud.Thanks for lawyer-splaining what affidavits are, Royal Alexander, but it appears you're full of shit, according to reporters who report on what actually happens in the world:
Affidavits are evidence and used in courts daily across the country. An affidavit is a written statement, under oath, that is sworn to be true. Signing an affidavit that contains false information can subject the individual to criminal penalties.
"But among the witnesses who have had their allegations aired in court, many have been dismissed by judges as inadmissible or not credible. One particularly high-profile one alleged many precincts in Michigan had more votes than actual voters, but shortly after Giuliani et al. raised the issue Thursday — alongside their pleas to take the affidavits seriously — it fell apart.
As the Trump campaign will remind you, these are sworn statements. But according to legal experts, the jeopardy faced by those behind them is relatively minimal.
“There is a remote chance that sworn statements (if they are actually sworn statements — most documents that appear to be ‘sworn’ don’t count within the meaning of the statute) could subject the declarant to some exposure under the perjury statutes,” said Lisa Kerns Griffin, an expert on evidence at Duke University, in an email. “But perjury prosecutions are rare and almost never arise from statements outside of the context of proceedings in which oaths are formally administered — such as depositions, congressional testimony, grand jury proceedings, or trial testimony.”
One Michigan judge noted that the evidence wasn’t direct evidence, despite the Trump campaign’s contention that it was:
TRUMP LAWYER: Your Honor, in terms of the hearsay point, this is a firsthand factual statement made by Ms. Connarn, and she has made that statement based on her own firsthand physical evidence and knowledge —
JUDGE: “I heard somebody else say something.” Tell me why that’s not hearsay. Come on, now.
TRUMP LAWYER: Well it’s a firsthand statement of her physical –
JUDGE: It’s an out-of-court statement offered where the truth of the matter is asserted, right?
The judge later dismissed the complaint as “inadmissible hearsay within hearsay.”
Other witnesses signed affidavits that said, “I believe my vote for Donald J. Trump and Michael Pence was not counted.” But when pressed by judges, they admitted they didn’t have any actual evidence to support that."
Are all these people lying? Very unlikely.Is Royal Alexander lying? Somewhat likely.
All of this is to say nothing of allegations that in Philadelphia, contrary to Pennsylvania state law, election observers were denied the right to monitor the counting of approximately 120,000 ballots because they were forced to stand back and away, for a 20-hour period, from where the counting was taking place, according to the New York Post. As a result, observers could not tell whether the ballots were correctly postmarked, addressed, signed and sealed as required by law. There are also allegations that ballots were backdated to appear timely.Ok, yes, Royal Alexander is absolutely 100% lying, or MAYBE he’s just extremely stupid. (spoiler: he’s not stupid.) Take it away, reputable journalism!
"THE FACTS: These assertions are false. Trump is wholly misrepresenting a court case in the state and what happened at voting places. No one tried to ban poll watchers representing each side in the election. Democrats did not try to stop Republican representatives from being able to observe the process.
The main issue in the case was how close observers representing the parties could get to election workers who are processing mail-in ballots in Philadelphia. Trump’s representatives sued to allow the observers to get closer than the guidelines had allowed. A court ruled in favor of that request."
In Wisconsin, allegations that after election observers had gone home—sometime between 3-4 a.m.—over 100,000 ballots “appeared” and were counted and, in a statistically improbable way, all the ballots appeared to have voted for one candidate. In Milwaukee, the county moved quickly to alter its website registration portal so the pro-Biden vote tally did not appear so statistically improbable.Imagine the fuck out of that, election results being announced.
“The city of Milwaukee ended up with about 170,000 absentee ballots when polls closed Tuesday. As of 11:15 p.m., 140,000 of the ballots had been processed and election officials expected to have vote totals for the city by 3 a.m. Wednesday, said George Christenson, Milwaukee County clerk.”
The jump in Biden’s tally came when the central count facility in Milwaukee completed its tally of the mail-in votes around 3:30 a.m., reporting those all at once. That led to a long-predicted spike in Biden’s favor since Democrats are more likely to use vote absentee and Milwaukee is a heavily Democratic area."
But wait: shitty, lying Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander has a few more nuggets he wants to drop for us to step in:
In Michigan, allegations that observers were also denied access, again contrary to state law, to counting locations from which to observe the opening of ballots and the counting process. One woman who identified herself as an election volunteer in Clark County stated she had found a box of 500 ballots outside of the vote counting facility inscribed with the names of individuals who were not on the county’s voter rolls, according to a Trump campaign lawsuit.Royal Alexander must have felt that he’d sufficiently pandered to the Times’ readership by this point, because he gets a little vague here, because it’s not clear what lawsuit he’s referring to. It kinda doesn’t matter because just about all of the Trump campaign’s nuisance lawsuits have been dismissed. See, there’s a reason why these lawsuits are not being run by lawyers who are experts in election law. Because those lawyers keep quitting:
"Over the past 10 days, three large law firms have distanced themselves from him and his claims, with two of them withdrawing from litigation altogether. One of those firms was replaced Sunday after the Trump campaign’s lawsuit was significantly narrowed in response to losing elsewhere.
But the three lawyers who were left have now also moved to withdraw, and a judge has allowed two of them to do so. What’s more, they’ve been replaced by a lead counsel, Marc Scaringi, who said recently that Trump’s legal effort “will not reverse this election.”
Our sacred right to vote is a fundamental right and held inviolate for American citizens including the 73 million who voted for President Trump.But BIDEN voters? Fuck them! And fuck them ESPECIALLY if they’re aren’t as lily white as Royal Alexander. The depths of ratfuckery that Trump has sunk to — and which Royal Alexander clearly approves — are astonishing:
"Trump and his allies have presented no evidence of fraud or widespread error in any of these cities, and courts have repeatedly declined to grant their requests to invalidate ballots. Still, the president shows no signs of backing down, prompting Black leaders, political analysts and historians to cry foul at what they described as tactics reminiscent of those used to suppress the voice of Black voters following the Civil War.
“It’s as vile now as it was during Reconstruction, when Democrats believed that Republicans were illegitimate and that Black voters had no right to be voting, and they did all of these terrorist activities to block African Americans from voting,” said Carol Anderson, professor of African American studies at Emory University. “It’s a very narrow, slippery slope, from saying ‘illegal votes’ to ‘illegal voters,’ so this attack on Black voters is real.”
If former VP Biden becomes president under these circumstances he would delegitimize and lame-duck his presidency at its very beginning.Uh oh! Lying, racist Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander seems to be close to saying the quiet part out loud: the PURPOSE of Trump’s nuisance lawsuits and not to win, it’s to give Trump and his disgusting worshippers like blah-blah Shreveport blah-blah dickhead Alexander an excuse to continuously repeat the baseless, fact-free accusations of voter fraud in order to delegitimize Biden’s presidency.
Win at all costs has costs.As with all things Trump, he's turned his post-defeat tantrum into a money making scam.
People can accept losing if they lose fairly and squarely and the contest was conducted honestly.Oh for fuck's sake.
We’re a long way from knowing that.We’re REALLY not, shitty, lying, democracy-hating Shreveport attorney Royal Alexander. But that’s not going to stop you from expressing your contempt for democracy and our country’s legal system by spreading lies, debunked conspiracy theories, and just good old fashioned bullshit.
Don't go to the underground Vegas flood tunnels. It's not a welcome place for hobos or urban explorers. It's a shithole full of whacked out addicts, murderers, rapists, and God knows what else aside from dinosaur-sized cockroaches.
Like some of you reading this, I visited the tunnels as a hobo and an urban explorer that was quite eager to check out this myriad of flood tunnels that makes up an entire underground city under the Las Vegas skyline.
DO NOT DO IT.
For starters, you are likely to get lost, and its certainly not a place you want to get lost in. If your flashlight batteries die, you are going to be royally fucked, as it is pitch fucking dark down there.
Second of all, if it happens to rain or flood as it often does in Vegas during the summer, you're probably going to fucking drown.
Thirdly, Las Vegas rats don't give a FUCK. If you thought the rats in North Portland (looking at you Delta Park) were bad, you ain't seen Vegas rats. Those fuckers are the size of raccoons, and they are NOT afraid to crawl up your foot and start gnawing your foot off.
On a fourth note, don't even get me started on the cockroaches. I've never seen so many goddamn cockroaches in my entire life. There's so many that you're basically walking on top of them every step you take. They are the most resilient fucking things on earth, and you can jump up and down on them with all of your weight, including your 60lb pack, and they act like nothing has phased them. Have you ever wanted to feel 46 fucking cockroaches crawl up your leg and scurry up your inner thigh? If you're remotely human and answered no to that question, don't go to the Vegas tunnels.
If mega huge flesh-eats and bullet-proof cockroaches are enough to deter you from the tunnels, just wait until you meet the people that actually live down there. Actually, don't just turn the fuck around, run towards that small glimmer of light that represents the outside world, and RUN. RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE.
The first time I went to the tunnels, I made it about 100 meters deep before I saw 2 people with flashlights that were slowly walking towards me from the opposite end of one of the tunnels. I could hear the echoes of their whispers, and I could hear one of them growling. Yes, growling. Growling like some fucked up rabid-ass Cujo werewolf.
And then, suddenly a gunshot. I saw the sparks of the bullet as it ricochet off the concrete walls. The sound and exhoes of the blast and the ricochet was so goddammit loud that I went temporarily deaf aside from the mind-numbing ringing that was going off like a siren in my head.
I suddenly saw their flashlights bobbing up and down and I saw that they were now running towards me, with the full intentions of killing me.
I turned around and ran as fast as I could. The concrete floor was quite slippery, and its almost impossible to run without busting your ass. I was sure I was going to die by either:
A) Slipping backwards and cracking my skull on a pile of mosh-pitting cockroaches.
B) Getting my head cracked open by a .45 caliber hollow-point bullet.
Luckily, I was able to slip and slide my way to the light at the end of the tunnel and made my way outside. As I stumbled out of the tunnel, I was near the famous "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign. There was a group of Asian tourists posing by the sign for a group picture. They suddenly saw me, as i was tired and bent over trying to catch my breath, eyes scared wide open as if...well, as if I had just gotten chased by some gun-toting cannibalistic zombies. They freaked out and started pointing at me as if they had were witnessing a genuine American horror flick, but I could care less, as I was busy looking at the tunnel to see if my stalkers were still running towards me. I saw their flashlights, and could make out the silhouettes of their bodies. I yelled at them: "Yo, don't fucking shoot. I'm out of your fucking tunnel, I'm good dudes, I'm good, you can have your tunnels."
They yelled back: "Stay the fuck out of here. I'll fucking kill you if you come back in here"
I took their words for it and decided that playing 20 dollars on the penny slots while drinking as much rum and coke as humanly possible was a far more safer and productive use of my time. And so I did. I won 60 bucks, lost it on blackjack, and drunkenly waltzed my ass back to the hostel where I worked and lived: The famous TOD hostel, one block away from the crackhead and whores in the back alleys of Las Vegas Blvd, and a few blocks away from White Cross pharmacy where Elvis used to get his quaaludes and meth pills.
I won't dive too far into a second story involving my second attempt to explore the tunnels, as it's getting late and my cell signal is absolute shit right now. But I will say this: I got extremely lost, my flashlight died, and I am 110% sure I heard a woman get brutally raped and possibly beaten to death. I made a vague attempt to yell out for her and try to find her, but I heard multiple voices of her perpetrators and knew that I would most certainly get my ass killed if I made the foolish attempt to be a "hero" and save her. I'm not.sure what happened to her, and I'm even more certain that rape and murder is something that happens on a nearly daily basis there.
Trust me, stay the fuck out of those tunnels, Reddit.